You may recall a little while ago I wrote about advice that’s stuck with me from each of my parents.  One of my Mom’s pieces of advice was that life is full of peaks and valleys and that when you’re on top of the hill you should remember how far you’ve come and when you’re in the valley remember that you’ve gotten up hills before.  Basically, nothing is permanent…just because things are good now, doesn’t mean they will stay that way and if things are bad…well, same deal.

Every single morning my alarm goes off before I actually have to get up. Most people would assume that means that I like to hit the snooze button but actually I do it because for years I woke up basically on the verge of a panic attack. Every. Single. Morning.  The overwhelming feeling of what I need to do that day, whether or not I forgot something, dreading a task or seeing someone, the imposter feeling of not being good enough and being found out all immediately would pile on.  

Through many years of therapy and practice I learned to use CBT techniques of sorting through those types of feelings, and most of the time now I do it without even really having to think much about it.  I have a knee-jerk reaction to a negative thought and automatically my brain kicks in to correct myself that I shouldn’t assume the worst or that I have plenty of evidence to the contrary and I move on without having to give it a whole lot of conscious effort.  But not always.

I go through a slump usually a couple times a year.  Once in the winter, when it’s dark and cold and usually again at the end of the summer.  I love the hot weather and being able to do lots of things outside, but I know I’m not the only one who over-commits themselves in their excitement at the start of the nicer weather and ends up burnt out…but also somehow feeling like I didn’t take enough advantage of the weather while it was here and disappointed in myself.  I don’t go into a full blown depressive state but I get a lot more lethargic and introverted and just generally anxious and avoidant…which is also when I tend to wake up panicked.

And that is exactly why I continue to give myself my 10-20 minutes of processing time every morning still…even when it doesn’t seem like I need it.  I wouldn’t call what I do meditation or mindfulness per say but it’s the same idea.  I wake up and I check in with how I’m feeling; do I feel anxious?  Is it about something or just life in general?  Am I tense?  Did I sleep well enough?  Do I have to do something that day that I’m nervous about or dreading?  Have I been avoiding something that I shouldn’t have been?  Am I owning my shit, or making excuses?  Am I over-committing myself or being unrealistic?

As I come across things that are bothering me I filter through them; ok I’m stressed because I promised a client I would get them something and I haven’t finished it yet.  Have I been procrastinating or honestly just busy?  What will help me get the task done so that I can stop having it hang over me.  I make a plan on how to address each of the feelings and then I get up.

Human beings aren’t really the best at maintenance.  We’re great under pressure when we have no choice but tend to want to put things off if things are ok but if I’ve figured out anything about managing my mental health it’s that it’s still a thing I need to actively work on even when things are great.  Sticking to my routines.  Giving myself the time I need to complete tasks and process my feelings.  Taking breaks before I’m burnt out and desperate for them (when possible). Prioritizing healthy food and exercise even when I’m busy and my instinct is to make those things “optional”.  These are all things that I do because I know they make my ‘downs’ a little easier.  The basis for taking care of myself is already there…and maybe the down won’t be QUITE so pronounced or low.

It isn’t a perfect system still.  Just because I tell myself in the morning that I’m going to address what I need to to make myself feel less anxious doesn’t always mean it will work out as I planned.  Sometimes I still get myself into the spiral of procrastination and avoidance on things…sometimes even for things I WANT to do.  It doesn’t make sense but not everything in life does.  What I do know is the more I stay in a routine that is productive and forward moving the better I am.  The more I allow myself to slip into avoidance and anxiety, the harder that hill back to feeling good is to climb.

A few non-negotiable self-care things for me that are almost always a part of my day-to-day:

  • Waking up with enough time to get myself ready without rushing.
  • Eating at regular intervals so that I’m never starving and wanting to binge eat.
  • Walking my dogs.
  • Checking over my calendar so I know what my schedule is both for that day and the rest of the week.
  • My phone/all screens go away about an hour before I’m going to sleep.
  • I spend some time in bed reading every night.
  • I try to go to bed and get up in about the same hour window every day so I don’t throw my sleep pattern off.

One thing that’s been throwing me off lately?  Not running.  I run for my mental health, not my physical well-being and when I can’t run I notice that I don’t sleep as well and tend to get much more anxious.  I’ve been dealing with on and off pain for all of this year and while I haven’t had an issue in a while I just got into such a funk about it that I haven’t even wanted to try and when I have tried I’ve been sluggish and it just hasn’t felt good.  I’m feeling negative about it before I even try now so I just don’t want to bother.  It’s become a self-fulfilling prophecy and if I don’t break the cycle it isn’t going to get any better.  The longer I drag it out, the harder it’s getting to get back into my groove.

So here’s what’s happening: today I’m going for a run.  Regardless as to how it goes I will use that information to help me move forward.  If something hurts then I will address it and try again. If I walk more than I run, that’s fine.  Just getting out, on my own, just for me, is something that I need to do for myself on a regular basis, so I need to stop putting it off.

Mental health isn’t just a buzz word and it isn’t something that we only need to focus on when things are dark and scary.  We need to prioritize it even when things are good.  Because we never know what’s around the next corner or when things are going to start to slide.  Make sure you know what your tools are, both the ones you use every day and the ones you pull out only in case of emergency…because a hill is a lot easier to climb when you’ve done the training, and also when you’ve got the right shoes.