A lot of what I talk a lot about with people looking to make changes in their life is related to “mindset”.  How it impacts our perceptions.  How it influences our behaviour. How it can sabotage us when we aren’t staying aware of what it’s telling us.  Ways to change it to support your goals.  

The definition of Mindset is the established set of attitudes held by someone. You can have a mindset towards a lot of different things, religion, your family, politics, food, your health…but what does it actually do for us other than provide us with another buzzword?  I mean it sounds really easy; if you are feeling negative towards something, try looking at it more positively!  But that is an oversimplification and I have found that to be a frustratingly common theme in a lot of self-help material – to be a better you, just decide you’re a better you!  “Just” flipping a switch and “deciding” to be different is not a real solution…if it was we would be able to tell an addict, “just don’t smoke/drink/do drugs/shop/gamble/play video games”.  Done.

In real life, it isn’t that simple for most of us.  Maybe for some just constantly correcting our negative thoughts to positive ones is easy – but many of us don’t even catch a lot of our negative thoughts. A lot of the time our current habits and patterns of thinking are deeply ingrained and we’re not even aware we’re doing them or where they come from.   

Having said that though, while the ‘turn the negative to positive’ solution is not a complete one your perspective on things is often a big determinant in your success.  When you set a goal do you tell yourself you will accomplish it or do you tell yourself you will probably just fail?  Do you see yourself completing that goal, or do you see yourself giving up?  When people make a big deal about a goal you’ve set do you shrug it off and downplay it or do you get excited about it and feel pride and confidence? 

I am generally regarded, these days, as an extremely positive person and I used to believe that meant I had to be upbeat and believe happy things all the time.  But while I credit my positive mindset as a large part of why I have been able to overcome what I have, it isn’t as simple as just being happy about everything.  Positive thinking doesn’t just mean that you believe things will work out, positive thinking means that you believe that even if things don’t, you will be ok.  It’s not just sunshine and rainbows, it’s using what you’ve got around you to help you; knowing that you have the capacity to dig deep even if things aren’t perfect and figuring out ways to use your weaknesses.  It’s envisioning accomplishing a goal and if negative thoughts intrude with hypothetical barriers, planning realistic and actionable ways you will handle them.  

For me this all starts with the question – who do you think you are?

I used to say that when it came to bodies, I got a lemon.  That I was 20-something in a 80 year old body.  That I was defective, broken, and/or damaged.  I regularly said that I gave up on things; that I didn’t finish things because I was a quitter that didn’t follow through (unless it was smoking or drinking – I was hardcore committed to both of those!)  I told myself I had a slow metabolism and couldn’t look at a cookie without gaining weight (I mean TBH I didn’t often just LOOK at a cookie without eating it so not a lot of evidence to work with on that point).  These are the messages I sent myself every day.  Every time I looked into my own eyes in the mirror these are the things I was saying about myself, both to myself and others.

So guess what happened when I decided I wanted to try getting in shape?  The first day I felt a little tired and unmotivated my brain jumped ALL OVER IT as proof positive that I was going to quit, because I always quit.  Which basically gave me permission to quit. So guess what? I quit. I had failed before I even started.  Every time I failed at anything it was just further proof that I couldn’t, and shouldn’t, bother trying to do that thing.

When I finally decided enough was enough, that I wanted some control over what happened in my body, it was the first time I envisioned myself succeeding.  Previously if I imagined success I probably imagined that I would look like a cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition (unaware at the time that comparison was the thief of joy) but that time I stopped using someone else as a metric for success and instead defined success for myself.  And success, for me, was being healthy, so that’s what I imagined.  I imagined having an exercise routine and being known as someone who exercises and eats healthy.  I imagined that I had significantly fewer cysts and that they weren’t so bad when I did have them.  I imagined sleeping better and having more energy and being a person who chose good things for my body and mind.

And once I imagined all of it I started telling myself that THAT is who I want to be; it’s who I am.  I AM a person with integrity.  I AM a person who doesn’t give up.  I AM a person who could face a challenge without it stopping me in my tracks.  When the message I started receiving was that the person I am does these things I could ask myself, am I the person who bails on the run/workout/healthy meal I committed to, or am I the person who follows through on what I said I would do?  If I’m clear about who I am, then the answer becomes easier and clearer.

Now, it goes without saying that sometimes things happen and we don’t do what we say we will.  Anyone who tells you they NEVER have to reschedule or cancel something they committed to must commit to very little (or nothing) because life is unpredictable, things come up and you’re going to have to compromise and shift priorities sometimes. The key is that what you tell yourself when that happens will dictate how you move forward.  If every time you hit an obstacle you take it as a sign that you will not be able to accomplish what you set out to, then you are probably not going to last very long chasing your goals.  But if you have to deviate from your plan and you are able to look at the big picture, and refocus on just doing the next right thing, you’re much less likely to get yourself derailed.

This is mindset.  What you tell yourself about who you are and perceive the world around you.  It isn’t about being positive all the time, or just blindly believing that things will be ok.  A good mindset is sort of like risk-management for your psyche…it’s scanning for potential issues, not to use the issues as evidence of impending doom, but so that you can productively plan how to navigate them.

In high school I wrote a paper about Rene Descartes philosophical statement “Cogito, ergo sum”.  Translated to English – “I think, therefore I am”.  He was speaking about proof of our own existence when he wrote it – we can think, therefore we must exist – but every so often this statement runs through my head and these days it tends to make me consider that ‘what I think, I become’.  If we believe we are incapable, unskilled, unworthy or hopeless, then we will be.  If we believe that we are capable, skilled, worthy or hopeful, then we will be.  Who we think we are, is who we are going to be.

A healthy mindset doesn’t happen overnight but if you’re on a journey towards improving your physical or mental health a good starting place is examining the messages you’re sending yourself; because it isn’t about what other people think, and it isn’t about what your education is in or the grades you got, and it isn’t about what you’ve done up until this moment, whether or not you succeed comes down in large part to what is happening in your brain. 

So, who do you think you are?