I had another post planned for today but it seemed more appropriate to post about setbacks this week since I am in the midst of one. After posting about only seeing what people tell us and how I haven’t always shared enough of the challenging side of a health journey, I shared on Instagram last week that I had spent several days couch-bound with a rupturing cyst. As always it’s a bit disheartening when this happens, and I of course hope that someday I’ll have had my last one, BUT I also try to stay very focused on how much less frequent these are now and how much quicker they pass. This isn’t a perfectly easy thing to do – I can’t say I’m just the pinnacle of acceptance and calm when faced with setbacks; I get just as mad/sad/sulky/frustrated as anyone else but I have gotten very good at not wallowing in it for too long.
You may or may not have noticed that on my right forearm I have a tattoo with some triangles and roman numerals. I got this tattoo after my ‘Ah-ha!’ moment; when I decided to try eating better and exercising instead of just taking more medication that had proven to only be partially and temporarily effective. When I decided that enough was enough and I wanted to take responsibility for what happened to me.
The tattoo incorporates three messages for me that I wanted to be able to see daily:
- the ∇VII ∆VIII is symbolic of the Japanese proverb “fall down seven times, stand up eight.” A reminder that as long as I stand up one more time than I fall then I haven’t failed.
- The semicolon between the fall down and stand up is a mental health symbol – an author uses a semicolon when they could finish a sentence but they choose to continue. This is a reminder that at one point I wanted to end my story and I didn’t. I chose to continue.
- The word Riser is the name of a Dierks Bentley song – the chorus of that song is:
I'm a riser
I'm a get up off the ground, don't run and hider
Pushing comes to shovin'
Hey I'm a fighter
When darkness comes to town, I'm a lighter
A get out aliver, out of the fire
Survivor
For me getting that tattoo was a defining moment in my journey. I already had several others, it wasn’t about it being a tattoo, this one was just different. It marked a change in how I was going to move forward. How I was going to talk to myself.
Nelson Mandela said “I never lose. I either win or learn.” And that is the mindset that I bring to my life now. All of those things I tried that didn’t work? All those situations that didn’t work out the way I thought they should? Not failures; lessons. Not evidence that I am defective; information I need to do better for myself.
A few things I do now to get myself up again after facing a setback:
- Process it. Write it all down. Talk to someone. This means I am honest that I am frustrated or sad about it but also rationalize what level of upset is warranted – is this really THAT big of a deal or is it just inconvenient? Did I contribute to the situation through neglecting some of my healthy habits or not-prioritizing something? Was that avoidable? Is it worth it?
- Objectively remind myself of all the other setbacks I have overcome and remind myself (often out loud) that even if the situation I am in is my own fault, sitting in it and berating myself is not going to solve it. Doing what I need to to take care of myself now that I am where I am and then moving on is the best possible thing I can do. Repeatedly telling myself I am a failure or stupid (as I once did) isn’t going to help me move forward.
- Make a plan for how I will move forward without dismissing any important information or feelings.
Here’s how that went this past week:
- As soon as I realized what was going on I rescheduled or got coverage for anything I needed to do that I knew I couldn’t follow-through on – I always struggle with this but I am honest about my needs and what the situation is. When I leave things looming over me it just makes the situation significantly worse both for me and everyone around me.
- I reviewed my habits over the last couple months – what have I been eating? Have I been really stressed out? How has my routine changed? Any red flags I could look to for the cause. In this case I honestly think I’ve just been a bit off because of how the world has been, the rules changing all the time, things opening and closing, the restrictions impacting my job and my work with clients, as well as a lot of time alone.
- Identify where I want to focus to recover from this as quickly as possible – control what I can! I can’t make this situation go much faster but I can support my body the best I can by nourishing it with good food, continuing to move as much as I can, getting enough rest and listening to it about when to move and when to recover.
I could easily be mad about how little I can actually do to fix the situation but being mad really is just going to waste energy that I don’t have to spare at the moment, so instead I just have to focus on what I do have some control over. My attitude and how I talk to myself is the biggest impact I can have. This happened and it is only a “big deal” if I make it one, but maybe the experience is worthwhile if I find something within it that helps me to get better.
Or as Thomas Edison put it – “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
Having a cyst rupture is not the end of the world for me. It isn’t me “back to square one” and I haven’t “lost my progress” like I used to worry I had. What I consistently do the majority of the time far outweighs an event like this. It still frustrates me when it happens. I still wish it wouldn’t. I am a human being and I experience disappointment just like everyone else. But every time I get a bit more information and how I handle it gets a bit better. That’s all I can do; because whether it’s a cyst or something else life is going to keep happening and challenges are going to come along that I need to experience and I am going to keep falling down.
But I’m also going to keep standing up. ‘Cause I’m a Riser.
We stumbled over here coming from a different page andd thought I may as well check things out.
I like what I see so now i’m following you. Look forward to exploring your webb
page yett again. https://Odessaforum.Biz.ua/